If it makes you feel bad, it is not good for you

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Many people force themselves to stay in situations no longer serving them. Sometimes, we have little choice-a job or a place to live for example. But if something  consistently leaves you wishing you were something else or that someone would understand your ideas if you were only louder, more charismatic, a better networker, etc , it may be time to work towards something that values your strengths.

This is true for jobs, housing, relationships, groups you volunteer with etc. If you feel like you need to be someone else to be valued, leave. Or start planning your escape. We do our best work when we are loved and valued. Why put up with anything less in the long term?

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Bill + Bill = Spectrum

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Why people think Introverts have nothing to say (& why I correct people who rush me)

 

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This situation sends me into Fight or Flight, yet it happens every day. Like everyone else, I have to accept the fact that to the unaware eye, the path my brain takes to deeper, varied locations, before offering a verbal answer, looks like I have no input. Helgoe points to studies showing the path our brains take when responding to outside stimuli-it really is longer, lighting up deeper and more varied parts of the brain. It doesn’t by any means say we are smarter. It does point to the fact that we gather more information before speaking.

I had never seen an explanation of this kind of exchange written down, before Helgoe. I had to make a meme of her quote. I think it is an excellent, step-by-step description, of what we face when talking with extremely talkative extroverts.

The problem is, we can understand this, as we seek to understand why we get cut off all the time, rushed through complex thoughts and told to hurry by people who just took 5 minutes verbalizing a minute of relevant content. The people who need to understand why we often answer more slowly, however, will often brush the entire thing off to over-sensitivity or us not being aggressive enough.

Intros on the spectrum tend to ask “why?” a lot and “what if?”, which is why we tend to do more research into introversion. I’m pretty sure many extroverts don’t know they are extroverts. Which may be why so many claim to be introverts ;p

When we do cut off a person telling us to hurry, as I had to at a retreat this weekend, it throws us off our thought and it takes longer to get back on track. This even goes for visual clues, like rushing your hands in a circular motion. People also think we are rude-to counter-interrupt an interrupter.

So, if you want us to speed up, don’t interrupt to tell us so: We may have been done by the time your interruption was over. We let you talk it out, because that is how you think. If you give us a minute to process your words, you may find we have something to add to the conversation.

Just sayin’ 😀

No such thing as over-thinking.

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It is barely tolerable, how many people freely say we are “too sensitive”, when they are, in fact, insensitive. But we would never walk around, telling everyone insensitive that they are such-because we are sensitive to their feelings even if they cannot tolerate ours.